The Post-Nut Depreciation Model
Introducing the Horniness-Adjusted Valuation (HAV)
What is the financial cost of a CEO hypothetically cheating? More specifically, how much market value could disappear following a CEO’s post-nut clarity?
We can quantify this phenomenon using a metric called Price per Nut (PPN).
Using Jensen Huang as our benchmark, NVIDIA reportedly lost approximately $190 billion in market value, equivalent to roughly 4.3% of its total market capitalization.
Applying this depreciation rate to other major tech CEOs gives us the following hypothetical estimates:
Post-Nut Depreciation (PPN)
Jensen Huang= $190 billion
Mark Zuckerberg= $71 billion
Jeff Bezos= $124 billion
Elon Musk= $150 billion
1. Calculating Post-Nut Depreciation
We define Post-Nut Depreciation as the estimated loss in market capitalization resulting from a hypothetical CEO cheating scandal.
Formula:
PPN = MC x D
Where:
PPN = Post-Nut Depreciation
MC = Market Capitalization
D = Depreciation Rate (4.3%)
2. Horniness-Adjusted Valuation (HAV)
We can now calculate the Horniness-Adjusted Valuation: the remaining market capitalization after accounting for Post-Nut Depreciation.
Formula:
HAV = MC - PPN
Where:
(HAV) = Horniness-Adjusted Valuation
(MC) = Market Capitalization
(PPN) = Post-Nut Depreciation
By substituting the first formula into the second, we get:
HAV = MC - (MC xD)
Or, simplified:
HAV= MC x (1-D)
Using our benchmark depreciation rate of 4.3%:
HAV= MC x 0.957
3. Conclusion
The Horniness-Adjusted Valuation provides a hypothetical framework for measuring the financial consequences of CEO-related scandals.
In other words, it answers one very important question:
How much is a company’s market capitalization worth after its CEO has made a billion-dollar mistake in the bedroom?
Because sometimes, the biggest threat to shareholder value isn’t the competition, regulation, or technological disruption.
It’s post-nut clarity.